Force Ranking the Eurovision Song Contest Finalists
My ranking of this year’s finalists
Here’s how I ranked this year’s finalists—and why. Each song’s actual ranking, according to the official results, is also shown in parentheses.
| Rank | Country | Song | Artist | Comments | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 (3) | 🇺🇦 | Ukraine | Teresa & Maria | alyona alyona & Jerry Heil | Better every time I hear it. |
| 2 (12) | 🇩🇪 | Germany | Always on the Run | ISAAK | Still lovin’ this track too. |
| 3 (16) | 🇱🇻 | Latvia | Hollow | Dons | Just a man and his voice, nothing else needed |
| 4 (21) | 🇬🇪 | Georgia | Firefighter | Nutsa Buzaladze | I’m mesmerized by the big flaming circle |
| 5 (4) | 🇫🇷 | France | Mon Amour | Slimane | Big voice, big love song |
| 6 (9) | 🇸🇪 | Sweden | Unforgettable | Marcus & Martinus | Host country opens the show with a banger. |
| 7 (8) | 🇦🇲 | Armenia | Jako | Ladaniva | Fun party song with jammin’ on the recorder |
| 8 (10) | 🇵🇹 | Portugal | Grito | Iolanda | Pretty good |
| 9 (15) | 🇨🇾 | Cyprus | Liar | Silia Kapsis | Precisely follows the pop song recipe |
| 10 (2) | 🇭🇷 | Croatia | Rim Tim Tagi Dim | Baby Lasagna | Really not into metal but this seems okay |
| 11 (13) | 🇱🇺 | Luxembourg | Fighter | Tali | Catchy refrain, but overall not a special song |
| 12 (20) | 🇪🇪 | Estonia | (nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi | 5miinust & Puuluup | Not a song I’d normally listen to, but these guys are delightfully quirky |
| 13 (23) | 🇸🇮 | Slovenia | Veronika | Raiven | Velcome to Shprockets |
| 14 (5) | 🇮🇱 | Israel | Hurricane | Eden Golan | I’m dozing off over here |
| 15 (17) | 🇷🇸 | Serbia | Ramonda | Teya Dora | Slow song snoozer |
| 16 (7) | 🇮🇹 | Italy | La Noia | Angelina Mango | La Noia? Yes, I’m bored too |
| 17 (14) | 🇱🇹 | Lithuania | Luktelk | Silvester Belt | Take away the beat and there’s not much left |
| 18 (11) | 🇬🇷 | Greece | Zari | Marina Satti | Stock backbeat with some layered vocals. Yawn. |
| 19 (22) | 🇪🇸 | Spain | Zorra | Nebulossa | Still not wowed |
| 20 (24) | 🇦🇹 | Austria | We Will Rave | Kaleen | Next time I host a rave, I’ll be sure to include this track in the set list |
| 21 (1) | 🇨🇭 | Switzerland | The Code | Nemo | Okay I maybe don’t “hate” this but I don’t like it either |
| 22 (25) | 🇳🇴 | Norway | Ulveham | Gåte | There’s a nyckelharpa and a lot of yelling |
| 23 (18) | 🇬🇧 | United Kingdom | Dizzy | Olly Alexander | On second thought, not worse than Bambie Thug but it’s real close |
| 24 (6) | 🇮🇪 | Ireland | Doomsday Blue | Bambie Thug | I’m okay with you summoning Lucifer, just leave me out of it thank you very much |
| 25 (19) | 🇫🇮 | Finland | No Rules! | Windows95man | This is godawful |
Note: Joost Klein, the semifinalist from the Netherlands, was disqualified for offensive shoulder pads.